sugaraindrop

the last thread of the web has been spun, and it's now fit for habitation.
will there be visitors to the showflat?

you see, we've gone full circle.
a span of years to chalk into being,
a revisitation to the past, but the past that did not know either of us.

the stage will soon be set
and the carpenter's tools laid on the table
we are all waiting,
hoping,
praying.

there are many moments.
this is just one of the biggest of all.

why do you call
why do you speak
why do you meet
when it seems that you just want to run?

and there are more.

Surely the things you say first go through your head, your heart?
and if you mean those things, then there are bigger issues with regards to your humanity.
especially when those things are said to someone you claim to love.

i wish i could hate you. Sure, you try to remedy things said and done. But in the end, they can't be taken back.
Nothing can be taken back.

i brace myself for the end of an era.
if you have blankets, bring them to me.

obsessively staring at ebay, trying to will the prices of my listed items to go up as each moment passes.
i like the layout of my livejournal, which is why i'm back here again although i was pretty sure i wouldn't bother with it after awhile, seeing as how i have those other two to keep me occupied. but they've been left rather sidelined for awhile; i haven't been bothering to write very much.

results out tomorrow. not looking forward to seeing that inevitable grade i know i'm going to get printed on the sheets of paper, both in the envelope and on the boards.

shipping materials, boxes and bubble wrap arrive between 2 and 3pm tomorrow. results should be after that. nicely done. i don't expect companionship the way best friends would work in these situations: the silent following to the site of impending disaster, standing by your side, obligingly covering your eyes and tearing the envelope open for you.

No. Tomorrow, I go alone. Maybe that says more than it should. That this is the way it's going to be, and i sure as hell better get used to it. My picture on the top right hand corner of this page (i think it's only on the EXTREME right corner when i'm posting) seems to be mocking at me, myself watching myself, saying 'ooo' silently, knowing all too well that this is a girl who understands reality but can't quite seem to grasp it as the imminent truth.

What does it mean?

We looked it up and realised that it just means a physical presence, more than anything else. Actually, it's not supposed to constitute anything else other than that physical presence. No necessity for even any mental decision on the part of the supporter.

Still, i think it means a lot.

Too many things have passed me by time and again, over the last few months.
The thoughts that went through my mind shouldn't even HAVE gone through my mind.

"Don't leave so soon, you'd chosen to leave during my exams. I stayed to make sure you had food and comfort while you studied for yours."

"You're scheduling something for the time i'm getting those results... the time one would be most frightened to pick up an envelope and open it, alone."

"I'll be walking up on that stage looking out for an encouraging smile. Those who'll be there won't necessarily be the only faces i'd want to see, watching out for me."

This was just like when i was on blogger and thought that perhaps I should have a backup plan, just in case. Of what? I'm not sure. I had no reason back then to start a xanga account, but i just did, and i kept it dormant and unused.

THEN i switched computers... got rid of the Dell and got a Mac, and the mac didn't work well with blogger at all, for some reason. Safari somehow just didn't want to update archives whenever a new month began. Something like that.

So i went to xanga and got rid of the old blogger site. Yes i actually still do have a blogger site, but it isn't a public one that acknowledges that it's me. So it's pretty un-named and completely unknown. And the address keeps changing (not by itself don't worry) so it is on semi-permanent migration.

Here's the christening entry of this new one. I don't know when i'm going to use it. Unforeseen circumstances do occur.